Each Tuesday, I have the pleasure of having lunch with “Tom”. Tom is 83, has arthritis and osteoporosis in his spine from too many prednisone injections in his elbow earlier in life. He is as sharp as a tack but is lonely and recently heart broken. Tom found his wife of 62 years passed away in her bed one morning, about a month ago, when he went to go wake her up. He expressed to me, with tears in his eyes, that “One just doesn’t get over that sort of thing.”
Tom always has my napkin and cutlery out ready for me when I arrive with his Meals on Wheels delivery. For months we would stand and visit in their kitchen for 20 minutes or so until one day I asked if it would be ok if I ate my lunch, as I was famished. Since that week, about two years ago, I have had lunch with them each Tuesday. It used to be the three of us talking and sharing stories about, life, hockey, one of his passions, and the good old days back when their children were young growing up in Ontario. They have four children, 3 of whom are estranged and have not reached out to him since their mother died. Other than their one son and his family, their cleaning lady and two other friends, there has been no one come to visit. Few cards, even fewer flowers, only the monotony of daily life, filling out of death certificates and following the protocol of what you do when your spouse dies.
Tom mentions often that his home is now so quiet. He tearfully described how he and his wife would sit in their recliners in the evening and hold hands and tell each other, “I love you”. He shared that he feels weak and anxious and ashamed of his feelings. I hope he believed me when I said that those are natural feelings and that grieving is a process…that he shouldn’t feel shame about emotions. In times of grieving, we need to explore our feelings, embrace them and reach out for help. What has become of our society that we leave others behind when they are in need? Why can’t we forgive and forget and open our hearts? Especially after the event of a death. Doesn’t the death of your mother rock your world and make you question what is really important in life? We are only here for a short time. There are always two sides to each story, but how bad can it be that it justifies 15 years of no communication?
Last week when I arrived with my lunch, I asked Tom if he would like me to warm him up a cup of my soup. He said he had already eaten but that he would love to try some. Funny how sharing food brings out conversation. I shared with Tom some of the Kabocha squash soup I had recently made. We talked about his past and his old friends and adventures, and how most of the people he had adventured with were now gone. He thanked me for spending time with him each week and said that I would never know how much that meant to him, that he thought of me more like a daughter than a Meals on Wheels driver. What a shame, he said, that his wife wasn’t here because she would have loved my soup. He said it reminded him of the first time she ever tasted pumpkin soup and how she went crazy for it. It was in Australia on a trip they had taken 20 years ago. Tom inspired me to share my recipe with you. I guess when it comes down to it, all through our lives, sharing food and memories are some of the greatest gifts we have to give. Seize the day as you never know what tomorrow will bring.
To make pepitas: To make soup: www.thevibrantveggie.com
Ingredients
Instructions